1adoptee, adoption reform, adoption reunions, Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, browbeating people over adoption, bullying, call to arms, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, cyberbullying, dead book, Duped by Adoption, family honor, Forbidden Family a book of lies, how not to be a social-worker, narcissistic, self pity, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, writing from memory
Joan M Wheeler, duped by adoption, loves to tell her horrible story of adoption, but ONLY on her terms!
For Joan’s narcissistic delusional belief, that her adoption, is of the ‘great stuff’ of what’s wrong with adoption, that it MUST be told, for if known, it would change adoption in the world…talk about delusions!
Before I continue with the discussion/topic of this post I want to add an update. I have a new blog and a second Facebook page devoted to Joan’s new revision of her garbage book. They both are titled… duped by adoption, a book study, an in-depth analyzes of the book Forbidden Family My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption and the author’s first book Forbidden Family
Please check them out…NOW TO CONTINUE
The following comes from a discussion thread, of Sept 2010, on the Adult Adoptees Advocating for Change forum. On this forum many angry adoptees vocalize their HATRED of all things adoption, as well as, in a few rare cases, how they ought to ‘present’ themselves and their opinions, to many internet sites. But those that need to hear this and change their ways just ignore the advise, such as Joan M Wheeler. This thread was about a POV (point of view) program on PBS. It is no longer viable but there still some ‘info’ if you follow the link.
Public opinions, on any topic, can, and do, change over time, just as the way many ‘things’ are done and change over time. Changing the way a ‘thing’ is done works best when done in small stages versus an ‘all at once’ change. Did you ever have a new supervisor who ‘changed’ things over night? What happened? Internal chaos and rebellion and very little change.
The best way to ‘change’ public opinion is to give the different ‘point of view’ the TIME to be assimilated and acculturated into a society. Public opinions take longer to change than the way a ‘thing’ is done because of various generational thoughts within a population. And, a population, in a free democratic country, does not and will not accept browbeating, insulting, intimidating tactics.
PBS, like any ‘news’ publisher, have their own standards on content, presentation and who/what/how they publish. The adage ‘he who owes his printing press has freedom of expression’ has been the corner stone in this country long before it was a country; think Ben Franklin.
So if PBS presents a particular program they are in their rights to present it ‘from their point of view’. And, like it or not, they reserve the right to NOT publish or allow POVs that are contrary to what their POV is, particularly if it is ‘intentionally’ provocative in nature; think Joan M Wheeler.
There ARE many points on adoption reform (original birth certificates and knowing one’s medical history) that I am in favor of, but, my personal political views on the matters are not the focus here. My only focus is to show the negative behaviors of Joan M Wheeler and how she uses us, the birth family, to manipulate others and libel/slander us.
In the following thread you will see the thinking processes of these adoptees. We will see how an adoptee attempts to point out how Joan’s ‘pov’, her choice of words, could be changed to the better, so as to be ‘heard’ in a better light. But, Joan didn’t take the advise in 2010 and she still hasn’t, for she continues with her ‘hate’ speech rhetoric in 2015. It’s her way or no way. Since we got that libelous book pulled from publication, 2011, we’ve notice that more and more people, in the adoption reform community, have distanced themselves from Joan. Even with her insistence that she is ‘self-publishing’ her BOOK she may have had many a negative support for her ‘story’ and ‘book’.
UPDATE, since I first drafted this post, Joan HAS published a new version as an e-book, hence the NEED for a new blog and a Facebook page.
I will BOLD certain parts, in the discussion thread, to indicate and reference back to the following points I’m making here. Joan M Wheeler is using her alias of 1adoptee.
My comments on these points…
Joan’s ‘story’ should be told, by PBS, because of it’s POV. Joan has always used hyperbole, sensationalism and exaggeration in telling anything. Fellow adoptees KNOW not the truth of Joan’s story because they have been fed only Joan’s pov. Adoptees don’t understand that Joan believes that her life-story should be, not only a book, but a movie! They don’t understand that Joan has several mental disturbances.
Adoptee (screen name Metro2176) points out to Joan and Mara that their language should be changed.
Diplomatic speech is not something Joan and Mara know or use. They are bullies and they like to shock, browbeat and intimidate people. Mara believes that the birth siblings of Joan (Gert and Ruth) are ‘unstable’ and more because we have DARED to tell the truth, our POV, against Joan, and they can’t stop us. Joan will never change her style! She loves to tell people ‘that pissed doesn’t begin to explain how I feel’. No, Joan and Mara are in love with their hate, so don’t waste your time with them trying to get them to calm down.
Note how Mara and Joan bounce off of each other and don’t want to edit themselves.
There are several infamous adoptees who gang-bully people who are, in any way, pro-adoption. From the first, when Joan entered the world of on-line adoptee forums and discussion groups, Mara was there, coaching Joan in the fine art of browbeating and Joan pick up the battle-sword and went after every individual person who adopted. Joan is a master at ‘projecting’ her POV onto everyone.
Note how Joan has to make sure EVERYONE understand every part of her story.
Everyone must totally understand all the details of Joan’s narrative! She is unique! Her life story WOULD save people from the horrors of adoption! This is why Joan spend 30 years of her life writing her story…instead of LIVING it. That is why, once she got that libelous book published and we the birth siblings found out, took action and got it PULLED FROM PUBLICATION, Joan went out of her way to inform everyone that her birth sisters are the bullies and crazy. Projection!
Note Joan’s lies and misrepresentation and her promotion of the book
Joan’s lack of common sense and decency informs how she conducts herself. She does not UNDERSTAND that just because her adoptive parents told her something, whether it is true or not, it SHOULD NOT be repeated, verbally or in print, for it slanders others.
There was NO Christmas tree/gifts given in the middle of the night! That is just another example of stories told to Joan by the adoptive parents. There is NO need to repeat a false rumor WITHIN a family! Joan’s indignation over these falsehoods CAUSE great harm to both sets of parents; the retelling of them is a form of malicious libel and slander. Joan’s continued retelling is a form of KIN KILLING!
(and now the thread/discussion itself)
Title: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: billyandme on September 22, 2010, 12:25:15 AM
Have you seen this? http://www.pbs.org/pov/adoption/myfamily.php It was under the comments on my FB page since I liked POV Wo Ai Ni Mommy in order to comment about how much I disliked the whole IA thing. They want to hear your story now. But I truly wonder if they really want the truth. I’d like to send along something about how glad I am to have not been ripped from my natural family.
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Mara on September 22, 2010, 09:33:50 AM
http://www.pbs.org/pov/adoption/myfamily.php Thanks for posting this! I commented. :gottabat2: Here’s the little nuggest I left: More “Fluff” And Free Adoption Propoganda It’s time to go the other direction instead of resorting to “fluff” to please the happy-dappy pro-adopters. It’s time that PBS uncover the realities of adoption that no one has yet to: The sealing and falsifying of an adopted child’s birth certificate. The truthful documentation of a child’s birth is sealed from him/her forever and a falsified “legal” one is created placing the adoptive parents as the child’s biological parents! Fabrications, lies…on LEGAL documents? Most regular joe’s who falsify identity documents in this country go to Federal Prison. The “Baby Scoop Era” and the familial and societal abuse that pregnant women endured and how they were forced into reliquishing their children or be shunned by their families and society.
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: 1adoptee on September 22, 2010, 11:19:50 AM
Somebody should include research on how many domestic half and full orphans are adopted. I haven’t found a bloody thing to substantiate why I am included in a system meant to hide illegitimates. I was adopted, have the same emotional and legal problems as the majority of adoptees, but my birth was legitimate, yet my birth certificate was sealed and falsified. I don’t see the reason to separate siblings in adoption. I know siblings were routinely separated in the 30s, 40s, 50s — we need a documentary on this, too. And where do today’s half and full domestic orphans go? Foster care? Adoption? Guardianship? Heck, just the other day, a high school teacher was killed by a car that ran a red light. He left behind a wife and three small children. Because this was an immediate local news tragedy, evoking all kinds of sympathy for that widow and her children, how much you wanna bet that NO ONE approached her and said, “You can’t take care of your children, let me take them off your hands, I’ll adopt them”? Well, I’m mad as hell that not one, but two, people approached my widower father at wife’s funeral in 1956 and said: (Catholic priest) – “The baby needs two parents”. (Childhood friend of the deceased) – “I know someone who willl take your baby”. My father relinquished me exactly one month later and went on with his life while the other siblings were wondering what happened to their baby sister. Adoption did NONE of us any favors! Three and a half years later, my adoptive parents’ lawyers wrote to the Catholic Church that performed my Catholic baptism and requested a new baptismal certifcate in my new adoptivename so I could attend Catholic schools and receive the sacrements. The Church issued a signed and certified Baptismal certifcate showing that I, in my adoptive name, was baptised on my actual baptism date, but that legal identity did not even exist yet! One this certificate were the names of my godpparents – my natural motehr’s brother and his wife — and if the records were to be sealed, my adoptive parents got a baptismal certifcate not only full of lies,, but with the names of my blood uncle on it! No wonder I was never allowed to see this document when I asked who my godparents were! YES — a documentary on all the lies of adoption, all the cover ups, all the intentional deception by supposedly loving adoptive parents — this needs to be exposed. Do you think they’d do my story?
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: billyandme on September 22, 2010, 12:24:57 PM
I would hope they’d do your story, Joan. I think it highlights the way society devalues fathers, for one thing. Being a bastard myself, with no paternal contact, I feel like it happens all too often. Plus, there was no reason for your identity to be changed. And the fact that greedy people where lurking at the funeral to snatch up a baby from a recent widower is just horrifying. It reminds me of that scene from “Buffalo Gals” where Calamity Jane has just seen the corpse of her lover and a childless couple comes along to ‘help’ her by adopting her infant. And the infant, btw, loses her amother to death only a few years later. Way to capitalize on another person’s tragedy, adoption industry. Remember “Full House”? On the show, Danny Tanner’s wife died tragically shortly after the birth of their third daughter. Well, the girls often dealt with the loss of their mother on the show. But the makers of that show didn’t see the need to have their father character find a couple to take his girls. Instead, he had his brother-in-law and his best friend move in to help parent.
Title:Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 22, 2010, 12:45:07 PM
Don’t get me started again!! I think our point needs to be made, if we really want it considered, in a very non-confrontational, detailed fashion with this group, any other approach will be construed as an attack and thought of only the opinion of angry, anti-adoption, crazy people. So if we want our position to be heard we must be careful. I have posted there before and wrote it with kidd gloves because I saw how they responded to comments that differed from their own opinions. Also, I think the best approach with this group is to tweak your comment “all the intentional deception by supposedly loving adoptive parents”, and make it “All you loving adoptive parents are intentionally deceived and lied to about important details” a little stroke to their ego and reverse psychology could work and make them think twice. These ‘do gooder’, appearance obsessed people need to know it’s not just the adoptee’s mental and emotional well being that will be affected… I have stated that I had a great adoption experience and wonderful afamily and I’m glad they raised me (especially now after learning what I have about my bmom and her ignoring me). But we have figured out since I received my identifying info. that my aparents were completely lied to on most details and others were sugar coated, in order to make me a more desirable commodity, which has really made my amom feel deceived and mad too (glad she adopted me but pissed she was lied to). So their ‘projects’ are not the only one who may be hurt in the long run and if they are lied to about medical, mental, enviromental or genealogical details, their pets my turn out to be more trouble than they expected. So they need to take interest in this as well!!! I think this point may help drive home how flawed the system/process is if they think it could affect them personally, since most of them seem pretty self absorbed. That’s probably the only way they will give any validity to our argument, since we all know that most of them really don’t care about the adoptee’s feelings on the issue (although they would never admit it).
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Mara on September 22, 2010, 09:48:11 PM
I can’t “fluff” my comments, Metro. :mara: I didn’t get this smiley named after me for nothing. :mara: I think censoring ourselves in the public arena just continues the “happy adoptee” bullshit that the industry loves. The only place I would edit myself would be in front of legislators. I’ll avoid it, though, and leave it up to my comrades in arms who are much better at debates and persuasive conversating than I am. :blahblah: My experteeese is the mighty pen and paper or nowadays a computer and keyboard. :good:
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: 1adoptee on September 22, 2010, 11:04:41 PM
Metro – maybe you don’t understand my situation. My adoptive parents knew all along that they took an infant from an existing sibling group! On the Christmas before I turned 1, and less than one month till my adoption was finalized, my adoptive parents went over to my father’s house with Christmas presents for my siblings and a Christmas tree. Nice going! Give presents and a tree in the dark of night while they were asleep, knowing full well that there would be an adoption decree preventing either them form contacting me or me from ever knowing my own full blood siblings were alive living six miles on the other side of town! All the damn while, for 18 years of my childhood, my extended adoptive family socialized with my dead mother’s borhters and sister and their kids — my blood aunts,, uncles and cousins! Oh,, and they all left my father out of this because the rumor was he killed my mother. No, she died of cancer. Talk about a fucked up story. Pay a visit to my website and you’ll see I wrote a book about the entire mess. I’ve got to get my courage up to write to the show. I do not want to sugar-coat what happened to me, but I promise I won’t be swearing. I can clean up my act and be a professional. I wrote a book and could use all the good publicity. What happened to me and my siblings, and to my adoptive parents (they were harassed by my own sisters after reunion), and my children and my ex-husband, well, this mess did not have to happen. My story illustrates that people, even in reunion,, have very strange misunderstandings and perceptions of what adoption is, and what the adoptee is supposed to feel and act …
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 23, 2010, 12:41:32 PM
Mara, I certainly understand your point and let me make myself clear; I didn’t intend to imply that we should censor ourselves or put fluff in our stories. I only meant to choose our words carefully and not stoop to some of their levels (Peggy for example) in order to get the point across on this specific POV Facebook page. I have posted there and was careful to make my point in a non threatening way (as have others) and I pointed out how irrational they were being in responses to other comments- I tried to do it in a way as to not make them feel attacked, but make them feel bad and ignorant for being so rude and closed minded, I thought it was better (not great, but better) received than if I would have done it in a confrontational way and more post have been made since then that have been made this way and you can see the differences in some of the responses. Joan, I hate what you have gone through and yes, I have read your blog- I love it, so much detail and info, very impressive! You are a great example of someone who actually puts work into their cause. I wasn’t responding in regards to a specific story but to try to make a suggestion to get them to consider the negatives about many issues in adoption. I just thought if we made it personal for them and how they could be affected and make it clear that it’s not only the adoptees who are hurt and lied to, in some cases it’s the afamilies who are deceived as well. I thought if that was pointed out, made personal for them, maybe they would listen and see all the flaws in adoption as a whole and the need for major reform and that the idea for an entry to the series about these issues, the not so nice side of adoption, might be a good one. Maybe I’m wrong, I only recently started looking into/learning about theses issue, you are much more an expert on the subject and the best way to address it than I. I know we have differences in our personal opinions about adoption (because we had different experiences, I’m sure) and I think that’s ok, we both have been impacted by it even if it’s in different ways and I do care about all the issues, think reform is needed and they should too. I think that falsified birth certificates, sealed records, sibling separation and all the other negatives are unforgivable and should be exposed, but I personally don’t feel adoption is always the worst option, although I completely respect others opinion and think they’re very valid and should be heard. I will say I think the probability of them making an entry that really shows the raw, dark side and only shows the negatives or the anti-adoption, adoption abolishment movement is very unlikely, unfortunately, because it would be very impactful and why not highlight all sides? But if they would at least show some of it, I feel that’s better than nothing. Also, I did specifically make some comments because of responses to your posts and the way they treated you in the beginning- they were so closed minded, rude, insensitive and on the attack that I tried to make them feel like idiots for reacting/responding that way. I just think if this group gets any hint that they are being attacked, those post will be responded to in that way or completely disregarded- but they did get better because there is really no way to rebuttal the facts. I do think the stories should be told completely and nothing should be left out or changed and maybe the quote I suggested was a little too sugarcoated, maybe it should have read more like “You adoptive parents are sometimes the ones intentionally deceived and lied to about important details as well”. I don’t want anyone to think I am suggesting kissing up or making them feel good is the way to go, I just think using our words carefully or reverse psychology with some of these raptors on this particular page would be the most effective way to get the point across and get the people who made the series consider the idea. Does that make sense?
Title: Re: The makers of POV want to hear your story! But only if you fart rainbows. Post by: Metro2176 on September 23, 2010, 01:03:06 PM
I’m sorry Mara, I just read your comment on the POV site. I thought it was great and completely appropriate. And Joan, I really think you should post your story there and I just wish the award, rather than an iPad or iPod was the story would be showcased in the series… My comment above was really geared toward if we wanted to get the point through to the people on the wo ai ni mommy Facebook page and get the people to consider making an entry to the series about the the negative of adoption or a story not filled with only happy-dappyness.