A reposting from 2010; new discovery by Joan M Wheeler who has been ‘duped by adoption’!
The original post can be found here…
I wrote this post long before I had gotten on the Internet. At that time I was relying on Ruth’s blog for my posts. Having recently seen this post, after so long, I thought it best to reformat it and place it on my own blog. Be sure to see updated information at the end of this post.
And now for the ‘new discovery’
On Joan Wheeler’s site, which can be viewed without actually going onto the site, she posted, July 27, 2010, Newly Discovered Family Keepsake: 1956 Baby Shower Card.
But here is the link…
From want she posted she didn’t seem to find this discovery a pleasant one. Why you ask? Because it reminds her of her closed adoption and the damage it has done to her. Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn.
Joan Wheeler is an adoptee and my blood sibling, has again voiced her opinions on how adoption destroys people and of course she uses her own life, full of torment, as her reasons and proof. Hey, she ought to know, she wrote a book on the subject! She relishes being the victim, it is the AIR she breaths. Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn. It is utter stupefying how warped Joan’s mind works. Oh the whining! Oh the deception! Oh the frigging DRAMA. And the gnashing of teeth, the pulling of hair, the self-flagellations! That is Joan. Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn.
For the life of me, I don’t understand what Joan’s life has to do with adoption reform and how detailing her inner torment is a HELP to people. Would, could, anyone explain that to me? And she wants to talk about the effects of adoption on her siblings! What is she all-knowing? She really cannot see any positive aspects of adoption. She is the victim, she is the adoptee. Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn.
And yes, the blood siblings know the effects that having a reunion with an adopted nutcase has caused our lives since 1974. The heart aches and the hurts that SHE has done to US (blood siblings) to punish US for her frigging adoption! Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn.
She needs to get a serious spiritual component in her life. She ignores the fact that she, like all of us, has been given life for a reason and it was not to live life as a victim! Ignorance is not bliss! Ignorance is dangerous, but knowledge (in this case adoption reform) is even more dangerous when mistaken and misguided. This is where Joan is and where anyone who listens to her will end up. She is dangerous and ignorant, what knowledge she has is mistaken and misguided! She is in darkness because she WANTS to be there. She can’t help anyone because she can’t help herself. She lacks humility, gives no respect and has proven herself to be an ass. Btw… an ass is the symbol of stupidity.
She needs to go work on her soul. Who will be at Joan’s death bed? What wisdom and truth will Joan have when it’s her time to go? She can’t escape it you know. She needs to learn her lessons now. She needs to make the best of a bad bargain and get over it. She doesn’t have forever to be a victim.
I can speak on and on about Joan, but in all fairness we will use Joan’s own words to prove our points. We have been doing that right along with the ‘refuting’ of the book on this blog. So here is Joan’s ‘new discovery’ post (J: is Joan) along with my comments which begin with Gert: And some notes from Ruth!
After the introduction and showing pictures of baby cards Joan writes.
J: Evidently, as a child, I stole their hearts away.
Gert: every new baby does, that is one of the ways of being in the human family. Did she not do the same with her own children? Oh I forgot, they were not adopted, she gave birth to them, which is why she has treated them like dirt! Right from the get-go, in relationship to the baby cards, she is mocking the joy that a new baby brings to a family. Joan cannot abide anyone having any joy over her life, not birth or adoptive families nor her own children, no one can have any joy related to Joan’s existence.
J: Definitely, they knowingly stole me from my family.
Gert: Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn. No one stole her, how absurd a statement is that! After much thought and consideration, by adults, that was for the betterment of her life, she was freely given and freely accepted. She was not stolen. There was no crime committed. This is Joan’s point of view on a system that she can’t control. She is a professional victim and can only see life from those glasses.
J: I gained an adoptive family, but lost the family that I had.
Gert: She really ought to get a grip on reality! She didn’t lose. Would she have rather been placed in an orphanage or sold on the black market? Or how about being left abandoned on some street corner? It’s all about her, she lost. What about the birth family? Joan doesn’t realize that infants can’t make decisions and sometimes life sucks! No one ever promised her a rose garden.
Ruth: Nobody on this planet was ever promised a rose garden – you’re born – that’s it. Infants and children all over the world are at the mercy of the adults in their lives. Then they grow up and MAKE A LIFE FOR THEMSELVES- Question to Joan – did YOU provide a rose garden for YOUR own children? Hell no, in MY opinion, YOUR children had a worse life than YOU!
J: It is inhumane what was done to me and my siblings in the name of adoption.
Gert: How is it inhumane? There are many reasons for adopting. Her position of ‘open adoption’ could never work. The reason that it is called ‘closed adoption’ is for PROTECTION of all parties involved. No one can raise a child, knowing and believing that child is theirs, if some other parent (birth) is ALWAYS in the picture. A child cannot comprehend such a thing as two sets of parents at the same time; its basic child development and psychology. Closed Adoption is very humane.
Ruth: What did Joan’s adoption do to me and my other siblings? NOTHING! What the heck is Joan rambling on about? Oh, because she was taken away from us? Please, considering what a screw-up she is, the Wheelers did us a favor. We were without her whining and trouble-making for 18 years.
J: They did it – my adoptive parents – knowingly, willfully and intentionally. They did it out of love. And with Jesus’ blessings. Good Catholics they were. And for this I am to be grateful.
Gert: She sounds like a prosecutor in a court room! They are condemned because they wanted a baby and they went about it LEGALLY, according to the laws of the country we live in. And she mocks again, the love the adopted parents had and she mocks their religious traditions that upheld them! Being Catholic has nothing to do with being adoptive. There’s religious bigotry in the heart of Joan. They could have been of any religion. The point here is that Joan, and only Joan, condemns the laws of the country and her adoptive parents for the crime of adopting her. Now that I think of it, she probably would have been better off left on a damn doorstep, a true orphan, and the two families would have been better for it!
J: No question about it, for me, there is no way to get through this pain but radical acceptance of the reality.
Gert: Now there’s a novel thought! But not likely to be done. Joan likes being the victim too much.
Ruth: Good god almighty! It has taken her 36 years to FINALLY reach this conclusion. But as Gert points out, it won’t get done, because Joan likes to play the victim too much. She wants people to feel sorry for her too much.
J: Do I need to mention that I have no forgiveness for the parents and extended family involved with the coverup of the truth at my expense?
Gert: Cover up! good God! cover up of the truth, what truth, she was adopted, she suffered because they didn’t tell her the truth! How many people are on the earth? Each of them has been lied to at some point. Get over it Joan. Forgiveness, she hasn’t a clue what that means. Do people who read her really want her help in their adoption problems? I’d run away as fast as I could. This is how she addresses her elders, by not extending a basic thank you for the very fact that they took care of her. How humane is that? She also hates the extended family. Looks to me like Joan hates the entire Wheeler family for the imagine sin of adopting her. She also hates the entire birth family for their involvement in the ‘cover up’. Hey, everybody did it on purpose, to piss Joan off!
Ruth: Right – I was only 3 years old when Joan was adopted, but I guess I had a hand in the coverup. As to the extended family – her birth cousin Gail who is the same age as Joan, bumped into Joan at an amusement park when the girls were both 10 years old. Gail was confused, because Joan looked like me. Her mother (who knew who Joan was) told Gail that Joan was indeed my sister, but not to tell me. Oh yes, Joan, blame a 10 YEAR OLD CHILD FOR THE COVERUP! Oh my god this is worse than Watergate!
J: I am not required to give forgiveness as it was not earned, nor even asked for, except by my adoptive father immediately after he spoke with my natural father on the phone in 1974 just days after I was found.
Gert: Since when is forgiveness a requirement or something that is earned? The greatest gift a person can give themselves is forgiveness. This is a core problem in Joan’s character and soul. She doesn’t understand about forgiveness and letting go. She is so full of hate and anger for being adopted she can’t forgive herself. She is self-righteous in her crusade to rid the world of the injustice of closed adoption.
Ruth: And I will not forgive a low-life scumbag who tried to railroad me into jail, tried to break me and my fiance up, tried to get me fired from my job over false accusations, wrote stupid letters to the mayor of Buffalo, and keeps saying that I have a criminal record – which is false. Yeah, that be Joan I’m talking about!
J: For whose happiness did I enter their family? Theirs. I was manipulated and tricked into believing the life they fed me. I developed close attachments and love with aunts, uncles and cousins who later turned out to hate me (but other cousins and aunts and uncles were not that way). I loved my adoptive parents, but I was cheated out of life with the siblings I was never supposed to know. Meanwhile, my natural father lost his newborn daughter and his other children lost their baby sister.
Gert: Good God! She can’t even take ownership of her own life! Instead of being alive and happy she sees her life as one of a total victim who was manipulated and tricked. Is she the only person who ever felt their childhood was not perfect? Oh I forgot, she was adopted and so that means there were lies and cover-ups; oh the injustice of it all! Lying to the adopted child is manipulation and trickery!
Ruth: yeah, we lost our baby sister – she should have stayed lost. If only we had a crystal ball in 1974, we would never have gone looking for her. Reason: read my last comment. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of the stuff she has done to us!
Gert: Here she is talking about the adoptive family, who hated her, why then does she hate the birth family? Oh I forgot, she was lied to and tricked by us too. She was cheated out of her siblings. That comes with the territory of being adopted, one family gives the child to another family. A child cannot be raised with two sets of parents and siblings. While it is a tragic thing that occurred, death of our mother and our father having to place the infant (Joan) for adoption, it was NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. It could have had a much healthier outcome if Joan wasn’t so warped in the brain!
J: Let this be a lesson to adoptive parents everywhere: be as honest as you possibly can with your adoptee.
Gert: You hear that adoptive parents? It is you that are the dangerous ones! And if you are not truthful and honest, your kids will turn out just like Joan! And if you adopt a child, like I did, you will have Joan come after you, in a heartbeat, to condemn you!
J: Honesty is the best policy. For when there are secrets and spiteful rage to keep the adoptee from ever knowing the truth, the adoptee suffers at the hands of the very people who are suppose to love that adoptee unconditionally. Withholding vital information and preventing a minor child contact with full or half siblings is a cruelty worthy to be called child abuse of both the adoptee and her siblings left behind.
Gert: In the course of human development and discourse, humans dealing with other humans, there is NO SUCH THING AS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. That is a fantasy. You, Joan want the truth? You, Joan can’t handle the truth! No human being can love another human unconditionally by the very nature of being human. If you want unconditional love, go to God!
Ruth: Honesty is the best policy? I can’t believe that these words are coming from Joan, considering how much she lies about me and just about everybody in her book.
Gert: Joan is such an expert she now declares closed adoption to be a cruelty by the name of child abuse! Oh she ought to NOT tread on that business! Keep watching this blog for I shall tell all about Joan’s own dirty deeds regarding child abuse actions against my children! Shame Shame Shame, Joan.
J: Yes, today my elderly adoptive mother shares her joyous memories with me of the day she and my father “got” me. She talks of the baby shower that welcomed me into the family. I acknowledge her joys. This is her journey through life. I try to make her as comfortable as possible by listening to her.
Gert: Oh how touching! Too bad it isn’t for real! Unless of course a person, like Joan, has two personalities where in one post, this one we are reading here, she tells how she can’t and won’t forgive the adoptive mother and then turns around here and shares the same mother’s feelings and is made comfortable by Joan. Is there a bucket I can vomit in??!!
Ruth: oh did Joan forget about that cruel lie that her adoptive mother told her about when they first brought Joan home from the court? – Supposedly, when they opened up the swaddlings, they found the baby covered in body sores, that were caused by the poor hygienic practices of my dead mother’s brother, Richard and his wife Ann. And Joan puts that lie in her book! I spoke to Rich and he said that when Joan was discharged from Millard Fillmore Gates Hospital, Joan had IMPETIGO, a contagious pimply rash and during the three months Joan lived with them, Ann tried her hardest to clear it up. Ann and Richard were eventually divorced, but Richard defended his ex-wife! So much for honesty coming from Joan.
J: I also acknowledge my profound sadness at what I lost: my entire family of birth. My father, my siblings, my aunts, uncles and cousins, and I lost my natural mother due to her early death, a death that lead to my father’s mistaken belief that the only course of action was to give me up to a completely closed adoption. We lived less than six miles apart, but this magical social construct of adoption robbed me of my family, robbed my siblings of their baby sister, and robbed my father of his daughter.
Gert: She forgets that she HAD the entire birth family when she was 18 but she blew it! Our father did not have any mistaken belief on the course of action regarding placing her in adoption. It is only in Joan’s diseased mind that this happened. Living six miles apart is worthless information. Facts were there was no adult to care for 5 young children. Get a grip on reality! And if anyone thinks that those that make the laws, that adoption reform people want to change, if you think that Joan is a good activist, think again. Who would take her serious? Just listen to her. Would you?
J: The only ones who got away with any happiness and security were my adoptive parents. They got the baby they could not produce on their own. Eighteen years of infertility and voila – a baby is suddenly available by the death of her mother. Take the baby and run. Have a baby shower and pamper that baby girl with all their love. And for what? For 18 years of lies to the adoptee and 36 years of hell to pay after I was found by the very siblings my adoptive mother so adamantly declared I should never know.
Gert: Here’s that dual personality again and gee it was only 3 paragraphs ago, go ahead and count them back, where Joan, speaking about the adoptive mother said she “try to make her as comfortable as possible by listening to her”. Flip-flap, flip-flap, love-hate, love-hate, sick sick sick And mockery again! Why did Joan post this on the blog? What purpose does it have for reform? Was it just another opportunity to tell the world how horrible a life she has? That’s right, Love! Joan can’t accept love, she spits on it. Hell is self-made! Joan is still in herself made jail cell.
J: The past 36 years have been filed with accusations that I have been disloyal and ungrateful. Why? For accepting the truth of my birth and adoption? Why is it always the adoptee who is expected to accept other people’s viewpoints and opinions? Is it worth it to be permanently separated by arbitrary laws and social constructs to create a falsehood within which the adoptee is expected to live? No, it is not.
Gert: She has to ask why! Her words speak volumes. No one can have any kind of intelligent conversation with Joan because she has already made up her mind, she is right, the rest of the world is wrong. And, don’t cross her or you will find herself on her shit list.
J: I have been told with flippant comments from non-adoptees that “that’s the way it was done back then”. So? That doesn’t make it right. I am the one to suffer the consequences of other people’s actions. My life as an adoptee was not worth the cocoon-sheltered childhood and the emotional and psychological abusive adult life I have had to endure because of adoption.
Gert: Perhaps it doesn’t make it right, whoever said that life was fair? Life is full of injustices, the key is to LEARN from them, not wallow in it. Yes, Joan it was your lot in life to suffer the consequences! There must be a REASON why her life went the way it did, for you to learn a lesson. You better learn soon, because you don’t have forever on this planet. As an adult you had the power of change, you could have changed your life at any moment, but you choose to stay a victim.
J: Now I must slowly say goodbye to a misguided elderly adoptive mother, make her journey to life’s passing as gentle as possible, and struggle to comprehend the devastation left behind.
Gert: Seems as if she is still laying it on thick! Here is Joan, abused adoptee, having still to care for an aged and misguided adoptive mother. She’s laying the guilt on to that dying woman while she thinks she is telling the world that she is doing a wonderful thing. Joan is helping the very woman she hates! That must really piss Joan off! Joan is still struggling; always will, to figure out anything. What devastation is left behind? Obviously very soon she won’t have the other half of this sick relationship.
So there we have it, more of the same. Yawn, yawn, big, big, yawn!
So if you are looking for some serious materials for adoption reform, Joan Wheeler is not the place to go!
UPDATE, MARCH 2016, as older posts are being seen I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…