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Joan M Wheeler goes after an adoptive cousin! Why? Because the cousin, like the birth family, has a different opinion!

by on May 3, 2016

Joan would do well if she learned the wisdom of this…


But of course, Joan could care less about wisdom, all she cares about is getting her ‘versions’ out there and browbeating those that have differing opinions and views.

Joan must have been in her manic state on this one! The following is a perfect EXAMPLE of how she operates; how she digs in, will NOT let go of her victim, goes after the chosen victim again and again, beating the ‘dead horse’ and then finally blames her victim for what’s wrong with Joan’s life!

On a political article, Joan puts out a statement, and the discussion quickly moves from the political position, of separation of church and state, to the issue of adoption. THEN, a massive attack, by Joan, upon an adoptive cousin, begins. THEN, as always happens, when Joan is on a ‘roll’, once Joan dismisses the cousin, 10 hours later, Joan comes back and attacks the poor woman again! Yep, Joan’s in her manic attack state!

…It begins… February 11, 2016

Joan said…We do have separation of church and state for a reason! Keep your religion OUT of politics! Your god has no meaning to many people who live in America.

…then the cousin speaks up

Mary W. K. says…Just your opinion. This country was founded on God by crazy, out of control white men. I am glad they didn’t care what people thought and they stood up for what they believed in and if they didn’t we would be here. I’m glad to be alive today only by the grace of God and men who were brave enough to stand up for their rights. And I will continue to stand for my beliefs and fight against this reverse discrimination.

…then after a lengthy back and forth discussion about the founding fathers and more the cousin says…

Mary W. K. says…Yes people died so we could live. I cannot change that . Theres still slavery in many parts of the world – at least we did something about that here. There are still countries fight over who owns land and people are dying – we no longer do that. We used blood letting and leaches as a cure for disease. we don’t do that anymore, woman used to not be able to vote that has changed. It is endless. You can pick and choose whatever battle you want, if I have forgiveness then it just becomes part of history. If I don’t have forgiveness then I am forever a victim. I choose to no longer to be a victim.

…and they are off and running, because JOAN believes she is a victim of ADOPTION, believes that she DOES NOT have to forgive anyone, and must make this cousin and everyone else KNOW IT…

Joan says…Yes, Mary W. K., adoption is slavery. My adoption papers changed my name, ordered that a new, replacement birth certificate to be issued by New York State, and erased my family. Meanwhile, all the Wheelers knew it, they were distant relatives of my natural mother. And then, when I was found by family I didn’t know I had, all hell broke lose. For what? Because I was never supposed to know the secret that everyone else had fun keeping form me? And millions of other adopted people’s identity changed for the sake of the owners. Don’t tell me that slavery does not exist in America today. You would do well to read my memoir and learn the hell I went through. Yet, to ease my mother’s transition into death, I stood over her and said the Catholic prayers with the priest so she felt comfort.

Mary W. K. says….

Adoption is not slavery. Not all people that were adopted believe what you believe. My best friend that I talk to everyday is adopted. I have never one time speak the way you do. I wish you could find happiness.

Then Joan says to Mary W. K. …

I am tired of people who drag out the “I have a friend who is adopted and she doesn’t feel like you do…” Opinion because, Mary, you assert your authority, yet you are not adopted. That fact, alone, means you are incapable of comprehending the complexity of adoption on the displaced and resettled adopted person. You are also blindsided by your religion. I am happy, bybthecway! You are not in my life to see my day to day activities, my friends, my interests. My life was ruined by adoption, by ignorant adoptive and natural blood relatives imposing their ignorance on me, butting in to my life when they should have respected my privacy. I have fond memories of you and your immediate famiily. But I will have to delete you from my Facebook as I do not wish to bring more hassle and discord into my life. I only allow non-abusive people in my life now. Go lead your life away from me. I do not need an infertile adoptive cousin in my life since you began commenting on my Wall when I posted something about falsified birth certificates. Instead of showing empathy toward me and millions of adopted people who suffer identity theft at the hands of our government, you left the comment, “you do know that I could not have children.” My response to you then was to point out that your infertility does not have any bearing on my civil rights to my own sealed birth certificate. Yet you argue about your medical condition as if that gives you authority over me. It doesn’t. I have 42 years of experience living as a reunited adopted person, frightened out if my wits, belittled and ridiculed since 1974 for not complying with the Wheelers’ opinion that I should never had participated in my reunion with my natural family. they found me, I was a kid of 18. Go away, Mary, you can take your opinions to others who are as blind as you are. Meanwhile, I’ll be happy with people who are my friends online, friends in real life, and, I enjoy my daily conversations with a few relatives from both adoptive and natural families who do love me and I love them. Contrary to your opinion, I have a fulfilling and happy life.

…To which Mary W. K. tells Joan…

You friend requested me Joan. Im not proud of my family. You have no idea what they did to ny mother. We were dirt poor. My mother worked every night so I could get an education. I am sorry your mother died. My mom says she was a great lady. And she must have been because she chose to have you rather than treat her cancer. I love you Joan and you are family. I will do as you requested and unfollow your facebook. I am sorry for the tremendous loss you have had.

… then Maggie Wilkinson says…

Joan, hundreds and thousands of people who have experienced the pain and continual grief caused by the abuse that society calls adoption are not wrong, people who want to believe and invalidate continue to want the fantasy to be true, it suits them. Slavery, bondage, adoption all one and the same, human ownership. a lie is a lie.

…and Joan answers Maggie

Yes, I unfortunately have many adoptive relatives who refuse to see this point. They also refuse to see the Catch-22 of adoption. Some of us really do love our adoptive “parents” and extended “family” but hate being in the position of constantly having o defend our activism against the current system of adoption. Remove the money-making aspects, remove the falsified birth certificate, remove the sealed birth certificate and what do you get? Guardianship. That means a child who is need can have a home with parental figures who love that child and that love can be reciprocated. But to remove a child from her family because of poverty or death of a parent or because someone wants a child, no, that is wrong. And you know that! I need to get rid of more adoptive family members who do not understand. Enough already!

….BUT Joan will not let go of this bone! She comes back on Feb 13 and says…

Joan to… Mary W. K. – how many state, national and international adoption conferences (on adoption reform, physiology, laws) have YOU attended? Have you read ANY books written by adoptees, by mothers of adoption loss, by psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers? I can guess the number is zero for both questions. I’ve been attending conferences since 1980. Began reading adoption law at age 19, began reading about adoption less than a year since I was found in 1974. Been attending local meetings of support groups since 1976. Knew the leaders of the American movement personally. read their books. The man who wrote the Forward to my memoir is a world respected adoption researcher who has visited me, my adoptive mother, my natural family several times since we met in 1987. Your uneducated opinions do not mean a thing to me; other than proving the point that opinions of adoption are thrown at adopted people constantly, as if these opinions carry more weight than actual experience and first hand knowledge. When you take the time and spend the money to learn about the current issues in adoption, then you will begin your journey to try to understand what you cannot. You are an infertile woman who has no experience in loosing your family and loosing your name and birth certificate because of adoption. You covet other women’s babies ( why else did you tell me you are infertile?). This means you do not know what a mother feels when her baby is stolen at birth or she feels she has no other recourse because no one has given her options to keep her baby.

…And again Joan says to Mary W. K.

Joan to… Well, Mary W. K. thank you for acknowledging about my losses, and about my mother. Here is the thing the Wheelers did wrong: they all knew and kept it all secret. leaving me to deal with the backlash and the trauma alone. That is certainly not love. It is ignorance. And abetting an adoption system based upon willful deception, lies, and total disregard for the adopted person. And these people were/are Catholics who hated me from the very start of my reunion!

…Mary W.K says…

Im just not sure what you are trying to accomplish. You do not have to explain the wheeler family to me. I lived it, but it doesnt rule who I am today. There are countless people who have hurt and traumatized me not just family. I do not relive it everyday. I like to be happy, I have a life to live and I cannot do both. People come home from war with no legs and i see them overcome huge obstacles. They just start a new life without legs. Start a new life Joan. Its never too late. I did and I am happier more often for longer periods tha I ever was. One more thing the Wheelers are not the Catholic religion. I hope you find peace in something, life is too short today anything else. I will not be responding to anymore posts.


Good advice…BUT…IT’S NOT OVER…for Joan will NOT be dismissed…

She is still on a roll, on Feb 13, on a different thread about Why anti-adoption is pro-life

Joan Mary Wheeler shared   Chenoa Çat Øtërø‘s photo.

 Why anti-adoption is pro-life – Thank you, L…

…A comment is made by Debra Merryweather

Encouraging a woman to relinquish a child she has carried within her for nine months is anti-woman, anti-child, anti-motherhood and anti-health. Many RTL groups are pro-relinquishment and therefore are anti-woman and anti-mother and child. And the picture you see in Lizzy’s post is not the picture you see at 8 weeks. When I would have looked like this, I was a parochial grammar school girl who believed in the Virgin Mary and believed that religious people were good because they were religious people. I was tied flat on my back in a Catholic facility with the pregnancy pushing on my guts, my respiratory system and crushing the nerves connecting my limbs to my brain, left to go through labor in the cold dark for “penance” because I was a victim who didn’t know she was a victim because I did not understand what had happened to me.

Many of these “penance dispensers” operated Magdalene Laundries, convents and other bad places and I suspect that more than of few of them populate RTL organizations…sometimes…to protect their holy reputations because they dished out violence to young mothers when they could get away with it. My take on what happened to me was that this “system” tried to get rid of me and my child because why else would I have been treated this way? I don’t think abortion is a great thing and I am glad to see that the numbers are declining. Still, “choice” implies someone else’s choice to control their own bodies no matter what I think. Of course, when a fetus has developed to the stage shown in this photo, the fetus is a child. And, I’ve been criticized for saying this, but I think sometimes that those of us who have had children taken from us let those who took our children have the high ground by our addressing the issue from an ‘anti-adoption” perspective rather than an “anti-surrender” perspective. Those who would oppress women always grab the good sound bytes first.


Of course, Joan uses this comment to go after the cousin AGAIN…WITHOUT PROVOCATION from the cousin who actually DISMISSED Joan…and AFTER Joan told cousin to get lost! Joan just wants to beat this woman down and MAKE her see the ‘error of her ways’ for it’s for her ‘education’!

….Joan says to Mary W. K. – please read the above comment for one mother-of-adoption-loss’s perspective and for your education.


… Yes, Joan MUST always have the last word, as well as telling everyone all about HER accomplishments! She does this over and over again thinking that she is ‘educating’ people. She doesn’t have a clue of how she berates, embarrasses, intimidates or insults another. Only Joan knows what the world needs! She wants respect for her privacy but thinks nothing of violating others’ privacy and writing two libelous books about family members. Joan demands empathy but is incapable of giving it herself; look at Joan’s berating, the insulting, and insensitivity about the woman’s infertility!

Joan is NO BETTER than those that she says have done those terrible deeds in the past. In fact, Joan is worse than those, from the past, because she is using the same techniques and punishing innocent people for HER perceived NOTION that adoption is an EVIL. Joan’s idea of EDUCATING people is to browbeat them into submission to HER point of view. And if one does NOT, well then they are treated to the very same nasty, insensitive, barbaric forms of punishments that Joan is condemning! If Joan was in an administrative position, over people who adopt, she would USE corporal punishments to EDUCATE them about their EVIL ways!

Joan is NOT a happy person, she never will…until she DROPS this nonsense and let people do as they are FREE to do. NO ONE gives a shit what Joan M Wheeler thinks. It has been proven time and time again. She really hasn’t a clue! History and present day ‘political’ and ‘human’ interactions will come and go and will never CONFORM to one person or one group of people’s ideals. Joan is a narcissistic, it’s totally about HER.

Finally…here are links to my second blog and Facebook page dedicated to Joan’s second book against family.


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