abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, browbeating people over adoption, browbeating to get your own way, bullying, confrontations with Joan Wheeler, Duped by Adoption, Forbidden Family a book of lies, libelous book, mirah riben, narcissistic
An old soldier leaves the field of activism; is Joan M Wheeler taking up that empty spot?
Perhaps Joan should take a long hard look at the toll that comes from beating a dead horse. Joan isn’t getting any younger, has several medical physical and mental conditions, is disabled and yet is in love with her long long years of fighting and must always remind people of them! But then again…Joan does NOT have what it takes to fill the shoes of Mirah Riben. I myself admire Mirah’s work! Joan can only slander/libel her two families, write two books of hate, rage, anger, and exploit the families for her OWN fame and fortune! Joan can only browbeat, intimidate, insult, and generally verbally beat up anyone who is pro-adoption. Joan has contributed NOTHING to the adoption reform platforms, many have disavowed her, yet she doesn’t ‘get it’. Joan is a ‘suck up’, thinking she can get an ‘endorsement’! No, Joan hasn’t got the credibility to fill ANYONE’s shoes!
The whole story can be found here…
In part Mirah said…
I’m too tired to go on beating my tired, worn out drum. I feel the toll physically of carrying around the angry passion that drove my life’s works – be it small, local issues or the insurmountable world terrorism and climate change ones.
I struggle now with how to “let go” and wonder who am I if I am no longer the hippie, rebel fighter of injustice and the voice for the poor, the marginalized and stigmatized, the mothers and babies in crisis.
I thought what I was experiencing was burn-out but I see it now as more like mellowing and fading out. We are often cautioned to pick our battles. I now find it more productive for myself and my body and soul to put into deeper practice the wisdom of knowing that the only thing I can change is myself and accepting all rest that I cannot change. I gave it my all and I know that I changed many lives, reuniting families and supporting mothers in crisis.
I am not dropping out, or losing my ideals … just stepping down and accepting gracefully and graciously that I am not indispensable in any of my areas of service. I step aside and make room for the next generation, while still here to add my two cents. But, who I if I am no longer an activist being passionate about the injustices of the world?
My life is in transition and transitions are seldom easy. I don’t know what lies ahead for me. Time will tell. I feel no urgency – no burning need to do anything right now. The wind is out of my sails and I am adrift. A rebel without a cause… Just relaxing and enjoying this next level of retirement.
I don’t know what will fill the void in my life. Like a person retiring from a lifelong career or a mother facing an empty nest, I don’t know what the future holds. Who am I if not a lifelong adoption activist? Yet to be determined. All I know is I am no longer – CAN no longer be – that. I can no longer beat my head against the wall. I am not any more indispensable than any other. Neither I nor my input will likely be missed.
Mirah, I am saddened to learn you will be decreasing your involvement in the movement. You have been a valuable asset, a great teacher, an informative writer. Your passion, your pain, influenced me from 36 years ago at our first meeting in Philadelphia. I wish I had taken your photo back then. I can’t believe it had been this long…
Yes, I have been talking about the disgusting legal practice of falsifying birth certificates since I was found by family I did not know I had in 1974 at my age of 18. Ever since then, I have tried, and failed, to gather anyone’s interest in fighting this to the federal level. Not even a whimper in terms of acknowledgment that this is a problem, that it is identity theft. I’ve talked to the powers that be at AAC way back in 1989 and asked for an organizational effort to raise awareness and do a major class action lawsuit on a national scale. I do not recall who it was, but I was shushed aside, with an angry, “It cannot be done!” snarly comment thrown at me. I have been dismissed by the very organization from which I learned so much. Sure, it will be a bureaucratic nightmare to end falsified birth certificates on a national scale, but stopping this practice is what is needed.
About 8 years ago, I secured the attention of civil rights attorney who asked for information. So I sent him articles and blogs and books. After three months he announced that he would take on a class action case for adoptees, not for mere access to un-certified birth certificates, but for complete and total release of certified now-sealed birth certificates. And, he agreed to make every effort to end the practice of falsifying birth certificates of adopted people, with the provisions of nullifying falsified birth certificates if the adopted person wanted to do so. The catch? He wanted $175,000.00 up front to get started. He made it clear that that was his starting fee and the cost would rise as the complications of taking this to the federal supreme court would not only be expensive, but would take years. He knew I did not have the money, nor did the adopted people I knew at the time have the money. So the idea for a case was dropped.
I am beyond frustrated. Beyond disgusted.
Thank you for your work, Mirah. You WILL be missed. June 17, 2016 at 7:22 PM
Mirah Riben replied…
Doris, Funny that you mention the AAC in 1989. I was Director at Large that year and the AAC was the most radical it was before or since. That year I helped organize a RED TAPE march around the Roosevelt Hotel in NYC and we had a seal breaking. Lots of press. Later that year was the march to Dc and speak out.
I remember constantly being up against the words “we can’t OFFEND anyone.” By “anyone, they meant apr and paps who they relied on for $$.
Then they went back to being self-serving.
Your atty story proves that it CAN be done even though you and I have both been told it’s impossible! It IS very possible, all we need is an atty who is willing to do it to make himself a name. We’d still need to raise actual costs.
Oh, well…someone else will have to carry that mantle… June 17, 2016 at 8:03 PM
Let’s now take a closer look at just two statements…
To quote Joan’s words…
I am beyond frustrated. Beyond disgusted.
To quote Mirah’s words …
I now find it more productive for myself and my body and soul to put into deeper practice the wisdom of knowing that the only thing I can change is myself and accepting all rest that I cannot change.
whom has more dignity?
Six months prior, to this announcement of Mirah’s, Joan took another lawyer to task…that’s another whole different story, for another time.
Because the lawyer was FOR adoption, Joan lashed out at him…talk about alienating any possible help from THAT lawyer, or any, for the cause! And after some very nasty bitter statements by Joan and others, Mirah said…
I’m for giving …. a bit of break, meaning education him gently and kindly…the way ALL education should be done – and appreciating what he IS doing to help fathers!
Well, that advice didn’t and hasn’t changed Joan mindset, tone, or manner of browbeating anyone and it never will. No wonder Joan is so sick and doesn’t get anywhere!
Then we see, because Joan can’t help herself, we see Joan’s arrival to take on the mantle left by Mirah…hummm on second thought…perhaps NOT!
I’m also updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler says about me and family. After the first book was pulled from publication by the publisher, May 2011, she has ‘self-published’ another ‘revised’ version. In this ‘version’ called ‘duped by adoption’ she has increased her exploitation by including PICTURES and REAL NAMES and much more personal information violating again the families. Joan has no decency NOR shame. There is NOTHING in this book for adoption reform. She is totally against adoption and her two families. To learn more see…
Reblogged this on duped by adoption, a book study and commented:
there’s an opening in the field
Gert says: “many have disavowed her, yet she doesn’t ‘get it’. – and I see evidence of that – right on my own facebook. I’ve had in the past three years, one private message from a guy who agreed to rent a room in Joan’s house – be a “boarder” – apparently it lasted about a week. This guy, who I never met, private messaged on facebook and told me that he couldn’t stand to hear Joan’s constant screaming rants to the air – about ME! He said (paraphrase) “she’s nuts. screaming and yelling all day long. I couldn’t get any rest – and it was all about YOU!”
From last summer – I’ve become facebook contacts with three adoptees who were berated by Joan on her facebook, insulted, called names and bullied because they disagreed with her. And those adoptees told her point blank on facebook “shut the hell up Joan.”
And just last month, another adoptee did the same.
I’m not an adoptee – but I am a victim of bullying of Joan – and because I am one of her birthsisters – who she routinely gossips about and slanders and cyber-bullys on her facebook, adoptees have come to know me and Gert.
Unlike some of the adoptees who have their heads up their ass regarding Joan and me – the adoptees that I have become fb contacts with have sensible heads on their shoulders. They know crazy when they see it. They can see exactly who the troublemaker is in Joan’s reunion with her birth family. And they have dropped her like a hot potato.
But like Trump, who is a narcissistic pathological liar just like Joan – Joan DOESN’T GET IT. She refuses to consider that her word is NOT golden. She will NEVER be Saint Joan/Doris of the Adoptees, who has delivered all the adoptees in the world from the pain of their lying parents (birth and/or adopted) and has been THE person who has abolished the institution of the adoption on the planet, AND succeeded in opening up every sealed adoption record in the world and returned ALL original birth certificates to all adoptees in the world.
Trump thinks he is god supreme in the business/political world, Joan thinks she is goddess in the adoption-reform world.
She is in for one hell of a let down. — and when it comes – I know exactly what she will say: “It’s my birthsister RUTH’S fault.”