#flipthescript, abuser, adoption reform, adoption reunions, being downright nasty, birth/adoptive families, blaming people for your own mess, co-dependency, embellishing the truth, exploiting a dying dead mother, half orphan, how not to be a social-worker, http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/jan-2009/lisas/, interfering with parental authority, intimidation, libelous book, lying, mental illness, narcissistic, separating siblings, sins of omission and suppress of one's own misdeeds, worthlessness, wrong with your sisters
Dangerous combination for #adoptees when Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel believes her own BS as she slanders/libels others! (2 of 6)
Great damage happens to other people when a person, who is angry and hateful, continues to repeat half-truths and build upon them by creating more and more lies of tension to make a story MORE dramatic. Joan is a person who LOVES to tell about her pain and anguish. As she does this, the truth vanishes as HER view and feelings takes over. The book, Forbidden Family, has been pulled from publication by the publisher, due to libelous content and breach of contract, May 2011 and yet she continues on with two self-published versions. Read on!
BUT before we go any further I want to share
I’m updating with links to my second blog and a Facebook page wherein I expose AGAIN the lies, fabrications and hate that Joan M Wheeler (Doris Michol Sippel) says about me and family. The first book ‘Forbidden Family, A Half Orphan’s Account of Her Adoption, Reunion and Social Activism‘ was published in 2009 but then was pulled from publication by the publisher in May 2011, for libelous material within the book. Then in 2015, she ‘self-published’ a ‘revised’ version calling it ‘Forbidden Family, an adoptee duped by adoption’. This woman has no shame no sense of family honor! Then in 2016 Joan changed her name back to her birth name and rewrote and republished the SAME crap in another book; a Third edition! CALLED ‘Forbidden Family: An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity’! Talk about conning people!
https://gertmcqueen.wordpress.com/ this blog is titled Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor
this blog’s title/sub title is… DUPED BY ADOPTION & AN WOMAN’S STRUGGLE FOR IDENTITY, A BOOK STUDY an in-depth analyzes of the books called Forbidden Family; My Life as an Adoptee Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman’s Struggle for Identity by Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel.
also see this Facebook page…
In addition…see the ‘discussion’ forums, on Amazon, for two of the books. The first book has one review and several comments related.
Forbidden Family: My Life as an Adoptee Duped by Adoption forum
Joan Mary Wheeler forum
review of first book and 4 comments
do check us out and now to continue…
here is the link to part one and three of this series of six
Here we shall see two comments by Joan Wheeler (half-orphan) from 2009 BEFORE that libelous book was published. Within these two comments we FIND some ‘core-kernels’ of what she BELIEVES and how she fabricates stories ABOUT members of both the adoptive and birth family, to fit into HER vision of the truth. Much from these comments made it into the final manuscript and was published Nov 2009. This shows how early on and how often she had slander the birth family, creating an image of us to FIT into her story line. We, of the birth family, didn’t find out about any of this, or the book, until December 2009!
My comments will appear after each paragraph of Joan’s comment. These comments come from this web site… http://ouradopt.com/adoption-blog/jan-2009/lisas/ready-set-sign
Unfortunately this site is no longer available
Submitted by half-orphan on Tue, 01/06/2009 – 15:49.
Joan says…John, you must realize that my adoptive parents were the only parents I conciously knew for the first 18 years of my life. The first five years were untold of adoption. Somewhere between 5, 7, 9 or ten, I was told three different stories of why I was adopted. And yes, it was a shock to hear that another woman gave birth to me. The disclosure was done in a cold way, not at all in a loving way. I was left alone to think about it. It left me feeling sad and alone.
Gert says…ok sure I can understand this…parents are flawed people, we are only human. Joan is NOT the only person who had cold parents who may have lied to her! Joan herself was a cold cruel parent to her children…and she wrote slander/libel about her own children! By continuing to expose the flaws of the people who adopted her she violates their privacy as well, painting them the way Joan wants, which most likely is NOT a true picture.
Joan says…A child grows up loving and interacting with the family that raises that child. Love, affection good times, and sorow happened. Many relatives died, funerals, weddings, and graduations and gatherings…church, school, all normal. That does not get whiped out of existance just because of a reunion.
Gert says…again, I get it! same thing from our, the birth family’s view. Upon reunion, everyone in the birth family ’embraced’ Joan, only to be betrayed by her over and over again and then in a fucking book!
Joan says…My adoptive mother is nearing her 94rd birthday. She cannot be left alone as she cannot walk very well. She is dying of a blood cancer, a form of leukemia. She has other medical issues as well. I am her only daughter, so I am her health care proxy. Mom’s only sister is far more sick than Mom is. And her brothers died many years ago. Just a handfull of relatives coem by to help once in a while, but mostly, it is me taking Mom to hospitals.
Gert says…Her adoptive mother died March 2011, our father died January 2011. And that libelous book, Forbidden Family, died May 2011 when it was proven libelous!
Joan says…My natural father had open heart surgery just before Christmas 2003. He recovered, but needs medical care. His 3rd wife, my stepmother, had a stroke a few years ago. For several years, I shared taking care of them with my two step sisters. But within this past year, I had to bow out. Since Dad has other adult children, he has others to help, including my full blood sisters and half brother. But they are not much help, my step sisters do most of the work. I did, too, but now I have to give more to take care of my Mother.
Gert says…Here we SEE Joan’s TRUTH which is a bunch of misrepresentations and lies! Joan NEVER shared taking care of my father and step-mother. All Joan DID was take them to SOME doctor appointments and shopping (where she tried to con them into paying for items Joan wanted but had no money to pay for, by placing them in the cart unknown to the person paying the bill).
Joan did NOT bow out! Dad KICKED HER OUT because Joan wanted my father to PAY for her car repairs, she got nasty and argumentative to Dad and he said ‘he doesn’t need her help’. Joan was still WRITING the book when she wrote this comment…and in the book she has YET another version of the TRUTH of this ‘bowing out’.
What Joan says here IMPLIES lack of care from other siblings. Each sibling either has work obligations or lives far away. Joan DOES NOT work and lived near by and she volunteered to take them to appointments! If you volunteer you has no right to complain!
What Joan doesn’t say…which is a truth she DOESN’T WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE…is that the step-sister, whom our dad ADOPTED, has the power of attorney and health care proxy and it was she and her sister, that LIVED near my father and his wife, whom made the decisions to TAKE CARE OF THEM. Joan does not know about any contacts I, or other siblings, have had with my father. Joan makes statements, implying, without having any real knowledge of what others are doing and saying.
Joan says…And when my father went in for his surgery, my adoptive Mom was very concerned. She prayed for him and his recovery. We went to visit him. And my step sister helped me learn how to test Mom’s blood when she needed blood sugar tests for a period of time.
Gert says…again what Joan NEGLECTS to say here (which makes things APPEAR as Joan wants them to appear) is that that ‘step-sister’ was also an ADOPTEE, adopted by our father and his wife. Our father placed into ADOPTION one daughter (Joan) because at the time there were no other options and years later he ADOPTS another child! Strange how life works! And this ADOPTIVE sister is a RN obviously qualified to take care of her mother and adoptive father as well as give Joan some info!
Joan says…So, you see, John, while I do have anger and resentment at the way my adoptive parents handled disclosing or not disclosing the truth to me, and at the way I was treated for the past 35 years of reunion and as an activist, I can still be compassionate toward my adoptive mother.
Gert says…another thing that Joan NEGLECTS to state is that it is BECAUSE of the ADOPTIVE mother that Joan has a place to LIVE…today. Joan moved in with the adoptive mother while her children were still MINORS and still lives there, long after the woman has died!
Joan says…I am hateful and bitter at society’s myths and taboos about adoption and all that was put upon me by otehrs. Had I been left alone to deal with my reunion between myself, my siblings, and my two sets of parents, the reunion would have been much smoother.
Gert says… For Joan to continue her bitterness and hatred, against a society’s ‘being’, she keeps herself locked in place unable to move away from her hate, anger and bitterness. Her refusal to accept the way things are done…or her lack of going to the proper channels (lawmakers), is at the root of all her illnesses. Her only outlets, in life, are these comments that she writes, year after year, blog post after blog post. She has no other life except fighting adoption!
I don’t understand what she means…if she was left alone to deal with her reunion. Oh that’s right, her extended adoptive family gave her MUCH grief and troubles, that Joan turned into lies and misrepresentations saying that she was RECEIVING it from the birth siblings!
Joan says…None of this should have happened the way it did.
Gert says…Well that’s just life…it happens the way it happens.
Submitted by half-orphan on Tue, 01/06/2009 – 02:10.
the topic of the devastating effects of separating siblings!
Gert says…Joan seems to have a ‘backstory’ that she created about our ‘separation’. This backstory, of Joan’s, is influenced by the many books Joan reads about separation. Joan doesn’t want to accept the fact that we, siblings, were NOT damaged by her adoption and separation. We WERE damaged by the unfortunate SECOND MARRIAGE of our father. And, if Joan STAYED within the family and NOT BEEN ADOPTED, she would have had the same kind of separation we all had. It’s NOT about Joan! But she’ll make about her!
The problem with Joan’s backstory is, is that it’s all false. Joan refuses to accept the truth…which in a nutshell is…
After Mom gave birth, in hospital bed, to her last child (Joan), it was discovered that she was dying of uterine cancer. Our father proposed marriage to another woman; he would be father to her 2 children and she would be mother to his 5 children. Woman agreed but REFUSED the infant (Joan). Some in our mother’s family wanted to adopt her, but our father said, if he could not raised her NO ONE in the family would. And to place that infant into adoption our father had to MAKE HER DEAD LIKE HIS WIFE AND THE INFANT’S MOTHER. He was not pressured into it by church or others, as Joan continues to state he was.
Everything Joan reads in a book, on adoption, she makes her back story fit so she can continue to exploit and malign the birth family.
Joan says…This is for John, and other adoptive parents who need a wake-up call. No baby, no child comes to you “a blank slate.” Each baby is born with memories of mother’s womb… her heartbeat, her voice, and birth brings smells, tastes, sounds, and sight. A baby knows…from inside, a baby can hear voices that are around. Father, siblings, other people. Music. When that baby is taken away, the resulting trauma is deep, and causes lifelong pain.
Gert says…This is another nasty tactic of Joan’s…browbeating and insulting people. ‘Adoptive parents who need a wake-up call’…that is what hate and anger does to a person, makes them go after others who do not think the same…she makes everyone an enemy. She did it to me, my 2nd husband and my minor children when I ADOPTED. She didn’t like my answer to her…butt out…and so she called 2 false child abuse reports against me.
Sure, I can accept that there is trauma and I’m sure others can as well, but, that’s no reason to proclaim that ALL ADOPTIONS MUST BE STOPPED.
Joan says…For me, not only did I feel that loss, but my siblings did, too. Their ages were 9, 8, 6, and 3 when I was born and when Mom died. Those kids were helpless! In our separate ways, we’ve dealt with it all…one even ran away in her early 20s to another country! One sister got pregnant at age 17 to leave home, another was so emotionally distraught that she was hospitalized for several months. Our older brother ran off to join the military. We each did our time with drugs, drink, carelessness…And they held onto the thought that one day, they would find me.
Gert says…NOW here we have some real examples of libel and slander. Joan knows not what she says here. These statements are pure her ‘view and perception’ which are false, slanderous and libel. Okay, yes, upon the DEATH of a mother, each child would feel the separation and loss…but…Joan KNOWS NOT WHAT EACH OF US WENT THROUGH. Joan’s pronouncements of OUR LIVES IS PURE FABRICATIONS, LIES, SLANDER AND LIBEL. Our lives have NOTHING to do with Joan’s adoption! Our lives were NOT AFFECTED by the adoption/loss of Joan from us.
How dare she say, in print, here and in that book, that we were HELPLESS…NO we were NOT! We had a father and extended family until 1958 when father’s second marriage fall apart. That first step-mother had to be hospitalized for mental illness and at that time we were placed into foster and orphan homes! If Joan was with us she TOO would have been placed with us!
Joan’s lies and fabricates WHAT HAPPENED TO US, creating slander and libel. Joan makes everything into a drama! One sibling did NOT ran-away to another country! That was planned and worked at for years by CHOICE by a ‘legal aged’ adult. There also was no sibling who was ‘so emotionally distraught that she was hospitalized’ that is pure make-believe on Joan’s part! I was the one who got MARRIED by CHOICE. I was 18 (legal age) and a high school graduate. I wasn’t running away from home; I was creating a home of my own! Our brother did what many did during the Vietnam War Era! He joined the Marine Corp right after high school, like thousands, before he was DRAFTED; again he was NOT running away from home, but serving his country. My husband didn’t go into the military, he was exempt because we had children.
These fabricated and half truths that Joan continues to speak is WHY the birth family EXPOSES her, her words and deeds, and we shall continue to do so. How DARE she say this…’We each did our time with drugs, drink, carelessness…’ She has NO RIGHT to imply that her siblings did drugs, drink and were careless! OUR LIVES ARE NOT UP FOR HER visions and exploitations. That is slander and libel!
Yes, we DID hold to the ‘thought that one day, they would find me’ but when we did we had NO IDEA what a monster she (Joan) was. Everyone in the birth family regrets EVER CONTACTING HER and having HER IN OUR LIVES.
Joan says…But the reunion didn’t make for fun and joy. Because all that sorrow spilled out into anger. They were mad at me for living and Mom dying. They were jealous that I had two parents and they did not. Oh, the relationships did’t start falling apart for several years, but, my stress, I was the one in the middle…crying all the time, deep depression, fear, and I was the baby. It was clear that I didn’t fit in because they grew up together and I was not with them. They grew to dislike me because I became an adoption activist. The more I wrote in the newpsaper, the more my relatives from both families complained that I should keep my mouth shut. Why? I’m not illegtimate so there’s not SHAME. They can have their family crests, but I can’t have mine.
Gert says…’fun and joy’ hardy, with Joan around there never is any fun and joy! And where does she get this ‘sorrow spilling out’? Just because she is miserable doesn’t mean everyone around her is. Mad at her because mom died and Joan lived!? She sure is full of her self-importance! She had two parents and we did not? We had parents and step-parent and grandparents and other extended family…as SHE did with her adoptive family. None of us were ever jealous of Joan, we RAN AWAY FROM HER.
My own relationship with Joan ended in 1981 when SHE violated my parental rights with my minor children and interferred in my marriage! I had NO CONTACT with her from 1982 to 1992 because of that! At a brief gathering of family in 1992 to the publication of that libelous book of hers, in 2009, I’ve had ONLY 3 OR 4 MINOR CONTACTS with her, that ended up in YET more troubles from her. I couldn’t care in the least that she’s an adoption activist! But I do care about the lies she tells about the birth family!
It’s Joan’s own frustrations that ‘come out’ of her mouth/pen that she assigns to others, but she is wrong when she asserts that we have said those things.
Joan says…I explained my feelings recently to an elderly woman: It’s like being bi-racial: neither side wants you. And she said, “I know. I’m half Asian and half white, no one wants me, either.”
Gert says… ‘neither side wants you’…well when a person acts like Joan does what’s a person suppose to do? Everyone in the birth family gave Joan ample time to come to terms with each of us! It was and still is ONLY Joan who continues to insult family.